Cigarette burns
by The Twisted Paradoxx
Summary: I lived a pretty simple life. I looked after myself and my mom. I didn't give three shits that i was adopted. In my opinion I came out pretty well and had a good life but then it all came to an end the day i met her. Who knew I could get so lost in those brown eyes, who knew that someone could make me feel so alive. *NALU*
1. Chapter 1: drenched in orange juice

_**"Cigarette burns..."**_

**Chapter 1: Drenched in orange juice.**

**WARNINGS: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS THEY ALL BELONG TO HIRO MASHIMA. AU fic, OOCness, violence, profanity and some more bad stuff that i forgot but that if didn't include, include it in here.**

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sighed as I took one last drag from my cigarette. It was a regular day here in magnolia. I was in my usual spot outside of my apartment building leaning against the wall. Everything was the same except for the fact that I could hear a couple arguing in the café next to my complex but I paid them no mind. _'I_ _see_ _people_ _argue_ _on_ _a_ _daily_ _basis_.' I let the smoke I had been holding in out into the air while looking up at the blue sky. I could see the clouds passing by but I just tried to focus on the endless sea of blue above me. I felt like as if the sky could just go on forever and ever but it didn't; because just like every beautiful thing on this world it had an ending to it. I mean way before scientist even discovered the deep dark space who would have thought that beyond our sky there was a black universe, a universe with a sky so black that it feels as if it could suffocate you and swallow you whole just with its presence.

I guess that darkness will always prevail more than light.

Because there will always be more bad in this world than there will be good.

And it's just a fact that we as humans need to accept.

No matter how hopeful we all try to be…

I sighed again as I looked at the people around me. Man I needed to stop thinking like that I was putting my own damn self in depression. I closed my eyes for a brief moment just listening to the cars and people around me. As I opened my eyes and began to observe the people around I could see how every single person walking past me was wrapped up in their own world; it was like I was invisible. Nevertheless, my attention then for some reason went back to the couple that was sitting down arguing still in front of the cafe. The orange hair male raised his hands in the air as he talked to the blonde woman he was with then I found myself chuckling as the blonde gave him the finger. '_Well, he must have said something offending._' I decided that that was enough snooping and went back to my cigarette box to smoke another grit. As I was in the process of lighting it up some shouting disrupted me and the people around me. I broke out of my trance looking up and noticed it was the same young couple that had been arguing for some time now in the café that was next to my complex. The guy stood up from his chair as he began to yell. It wasn't soon after that the girl got up also joining him in the shouting.

"OH YEAH!?"

"YEAH!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME SO MUCH AS YOU SAY THAT YOU DO YOU WOULDN'T BE WHORING YOURSELF TO EVERY GUY THAT YOU MEET!" the orange haired male yelled his eyes practically bulging out of his face as he said it, if he kept going on like that he would end up breaking his glasses. But as I was paying close attention to his eyes popping out of their sockets I missed the blonde girl raising her hand but I didn't miss how she slapped the guy right across the face. I could tell it hurt like a bitch because the sound echoed across the street making _me_ cringe. The guy turned his face to the right showing his red left cheek.

"HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!?" the blonde girl took a step back as she put a hand on her mouth. '_fifty bucks that in a minute or two those two are gonna break up.' _She looked to the side for a moment before she looked back at him. "I can't believe you actually…"

"It doesn't matter though because I've been cheating on you with Aries." I could hear the blonde girl gasp as she took another step back. By now the shouting had subsided but I was already too intrigue in the conversation they were having and screw me for being noisy but I wanted to see how it would end.

"Loke…"

"I'm sorry Lucy… but I just can't deal with this anymore…"

'_Break-up coming in 3…2…'_

"How…"

"I'm sorry but we both know that since that happened things between us haven't been the same." The guy shook his head slowly as he looked to his left side. "I mean it's been months and I just can't no more."

'_1…' _

"You're right." The blonde girl walked closer to the guy till she was standing face to face with him. "You are absolutely right. So you better lose my number, Loke. Because we're over and you better believe it that you're not gonna see me or hear from me again." The girl picked up the drink she had on the table they had been sharing and threw it over the guys head. "And by the way deliver the same message to Aries. Goodbye Loke."

'_Aaannnd someone owes me fifty bucks… shit I should be a fortune teller. HA!'_

I couldn't help but laugh at the spectacle, the guy just stood there with orange juice dripping from his head as he watch the girl walk away. Then he shook his head and just walked the opposite way of his little ex girlfriend. Oh and by the way, speaking of said Blondie she was now walking right in front of me, she stopped as she heard my laughing. I stared at her as my laughing ceased down to chuckles now. Her face was flushed and she was clearly still pissed but that was alright. She looked pretty cute with all the fire in her eyes. She looked me over briefly and raised an eyebrow as I smirked at her.

"What the hell are you looking at?" I just shook my head and chuckled. This one was a firecracker. "Hey asshole with the pink hair, I'm talking to you. I asked you a question."

"Oh, I'm sorry I can't laugh now?" I asked her as she crossed her arms over her very voluptuous chest.

"I don't recall telling a joke, so no."

"I would watch what I'm saying if I were you. I mean I'm just an innocent bystander doing nothing to no one and here you come and yell at me." Just because I complimented her angry face didn't mean the attitude she was giving off wasn't pissing me off. I wasn't known so much for my patience so to speak.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Pfft, please! There is nothing remotely innocent looking about…" before she could even finish her sentenced I moved fast and pushed her against the wall next to me putting both of my arms on the wall effectively caging her. Her eyes went wide as she gasped. I leaned in close till we were almost bumping noses.

'_What? I said I wasn't the patient type.'_

"Listen here pretty girl not everyone around this part of town are so nice so watch what you say to people around here." I dropped my arms and took some steps back while taking out a grit. I put it against my mouth and lit it up with my nirvana lighter as I stayed starring at the girl who kept starring at me with wide eyes. I decided to end the silence that took over our conversation briefly. "Besides it's not every day I see a spectacle like the one that you just pulled on your little boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend!" she shouted hastily.

"Tch, take this little piece of advice, if you don't want people laughing at your actions then take the drama somewhere else, no? Take it somewhere private." I snapped my fingers as if an idea popped suddenly into my head. "Oh, and don't interrupt someone when their talking also. So make that two pieces of advice." I lifted my right hand showing her two fingers.

Her mouth opened forming an "o" as her hands balled into fist. I'm guessing her momentary shock was now gone. She looked like she was contemplating on what to say to my face so I decided that while she thought of something to say I would finish my smoke. I kept looking at her as she stared right back me with her eyes narrowed. Now that I was seeing her more clearly the girl was beautiful… No wait scratch that she was gorgeous. She was probably around 5'5 she wore a pair of white pointy heels with some white skinny jeans that had rips along the way showing off her nice legs. I could tell she worked out. Shit, she looked like she could pack a powerful kick if she wanted too. I let my eyes roam higher to her upper body. She had on a red shirt that reached right above her belly button showing off her creamy smooth skin and tiny waist. As I gaze longer I couldn't help avoiding her big breasts. They looked to be around double D's. I looked at her face next, her hair which she had half of it up in a red ribbon tied into a knot and the rest pooled down around her shoulders. The sun shined on her hair making it glow and seem like if she had a halo over her head. But I was more than capable of telling that she was farthest thing from an angel. Her eyes though narrowed were a light brown and expressive. Everything about her was just captivating, from her rosy cheeks down to her small nose and pouty pink lips. Shit, she was a twenty, a total knock out. I openly stared at her and her anger from before quickly evaporated and in its place a blush came over her cheeks.

"St-stop staring at me like that…" she crossed her arms over her chest as if to hide herself and looked to the side. I smirked and took another drag of my cigarette then threw it on the floor effectively stomping it out with my dunks.

"Listen I would love to stay and chat…" I fixed my leather jacket putting my box of cigarettes and lighter away then patting my jean pockets checking for my wallet and keys and alas they were where they were supposed to be. "But I gotta go, I got shit to do today anyways. You know work and stuff." As I walked by her I stopped and let my arm brush against hers. I leaned in very closely leaving my breath ghosting in her ear lowering my voice in the process. "But I gotta admit; it was nice meeting ya, Blondie." I could see her whole face and neck turn red. I smiled and continued walking. Before I crossed the street though I looked over my shoulder to look at her one last and caught her starring at me, I smirked and winked at her. Needless to say her blush turned a shade darker. I turned back around and crossed the street; I wasn't lying when I said I had things to do but if I ever saw that chick again I'd make sure to get her number next time…

That's if I remembered her still of course.

The walk down the street to saber tooth's bar was quiet. This was my routine every day; I would wake up, get dressed, take a smoke break then go down the street to my best friend Sting's bar. I would drink some drinks then go to work.

'_Man, I just bored myself to death right there. I forgot how boring I was.'_

Whatever, not like I care anyways.

Any who, Sting was probably one of the only ones who understood me. We have already known each other for practically all our lives; actually we've known each other since we were six. His family owned the bar and he inherited it at the age of ten when both of his parents got into a car accident and died. They didn't stand a chance, doctor said that the truck that hit the mini-van was out of control and it crushed them, their car tumbled from the road into the lake. He said if they didn't die from impact they died drowned when they fell into the lake. But in my opinion the only good news from that was that the drunk driver didn't make it either.

'_Good, because the bastard didn't deserve to live.'_

I can just imagine a kid going through that…

But what am I talking about… my parents didn't even want me.

I guess it's better to have lost than to have never had.

To have never been _wanted_.

Any ways I'm losing track here but obviously he didn't manage the bar at the age because one he was kid and two the most obvious reason he wasn't of legal age, dumbasses. So when that tragedy happened sting was taken in by my Ma Mavis since he had no family left. We grew up together… we're more than friends we are a family, our Ma took good care of us and she even managed the bar by herself so that sting wouldn't lose it and once he was of age he could still have the business his mother and father made; To have at least one memory of them and their legacy. At the age of eighteen, sting moved out and took over his bar. Not because he wanted too but because our ma got sick… real sick.

Now, that's something I just don't want to think about.

And now I need a drink since that _thought_ decided to jump back into my mind. Good thing I was going to his bar. I suddenly couldn't wait to get there and do what I usually do. I sighed as I stuffed my hands in the leather jacket's pockets. As I turned the corner I looked to my right quickly and my eyes caught an old man who had on black glasses and a stick touching the ground around. He clearly needed some help at crossing the streets but he also looked to be feeling for something… someone. I watched him for a bit to see what he needed then in a few seconds he was trying to reach the wall for some support. Would you believe me if I told you that the little minute I saw him stumbling about people walked around the man, would step out of the way or give him a pity look? _**Yet**_ _**none**_ of those bastards dared to help the poor old man walk the streets or at least asked the man what was wrong or something. _**Fuck…**_ I could just feel the anger in me rise to unhealthy measures.

'_Sometimes it just really bugs the fuck out of me at how fucked up humanity is.'_

How can we all be so cold?

How can we just turn our backs to those in need?

How could we show so much hatred towards our own race?

'_This is why I don't associate with many people because people really are a waste of time.'_

I only have seventy to eighty years of life and I'd rather not waste half of my life being backstabbed in the back by those who say they care about me when they don't. I just couldn't stand seeing the poor old man alone there, he reminded me of my ma and I knew if she was here she would yell at me to help the poor old man. I also knew if my ma was out here walking in the streets lost I would hate it if no one would help my poor old woman out. With that thought in mind, I quickly ran towards the old man who was in the corner and approached him. He flinched when I put my hand on his shoulder.

'_He was afraid...'_

"Hey, sir, I saw you from far away and I'm wondering if you needed some help crossing the streets?" I could feel my mouth curving to a small smile as the man face lit up and he smiled.

"Oh yes! Thank you my boy!"

"Nah, it's nothing! I'm happy to help old man." I hooked my arm with his and I could feel him grip hard. This was clearly hard for him and I could only imagine how it must feel to walk and go about in this world blind.

"No, you are a very kind gentleman." I smiled at him as he kept on talking. "I usually have my trusty dog to help me when we go walking outside but I don't know where he is. We were walking in the park that's not far from here and someone bumped into me and I guess I dropped his leash because the next thing I knew I couldn't find him." I hummed to let him know that I was still there and listening to him as we waited for the light to turn red.

'_He was worried…'_

"I called him by his name quite a few times then I gave up and just decided to look for him but haven't had much luck as you can see." he stayed quiet after that. I looked down at him quickly seeing a sad frown marring his face. I looked back up to keep an eye for when the light turned red not a second later did it turned red. I looked down at him again to let him know we would be crossing.

"The light turned red we're gonna cross now okay?"

He sighed as he nodded his head and we began crossing the streets.

'_He was lonely…'_

Once we crossed the streets I decided that just for today I could skip sting's bar and help the old man get home. I offered him to walk him home and he gave me his directions. He lived in an old people's home right in front the park the old man was telling me about. As we walked through the park I noticed he was smiling again, as if he could see the scenery around which was breathtaking. The park has a beautiful lake surrounded by cherry blossom trees and swans swimming in the lake. The place itself was so calm; I think this might become my new favorite spot. I decided to leave him be he was enjoying this and he looked like he needed some happiness in his life for a bit.

Just like me.

We reached the building and I heard him sigh as a nurse from the inside immediately came outside. She approached us not forgetting to give me a skeptical look.

"Oh, Mr. Takano, are you alright? Where is…" the old man waved his hand in the air interrupting the nurse.

"Oh please woman. Mr. Takano is my father." I couldn't help but snicker at the old man's antics. The nurse continued to bombard us with questions and he just ignored her, he grabbed my arm. I broke my gaze away the nurse to look at the old man.

"Young man, please do tell me your name?"

"It's Natsu."

"Natsu, huh?" the nurse then came in and interrupted our conversation.

"I'm sorry I don't mean to be rude." She then turned to the old man. "But Mr. Takano here has to go inside now to take his medicine." The nurse went to grab his arm and the man swatted his arm away.

"Alright, alright already! Don't get your panties in a bunch." The nurse gasped as her eyes went wide.

"MR. TAKANO!" I couldn't hold it in anymore and just laughed.

"Let me at least say good bye to the young man." The nurse huffed but none the less agreed and gave us a minute till she would come back and take Mr. Takano inside. He turned to me with a confused frown.

"What were we talking about again?"

"My name." I told him. He nodded his head smiling as if he just remembered something important, he s smiled.

"Ah, that's right! Such a lovely name you have. Well thank you for everything young man. It was a pleasure meeting you."

"Nah, the pleasure was all mine old man." He chuckled, then frowned again.

"Oh but what will I do about max. My poor boy is out there lost." I decided that I really like this old man and I also want him to find max. So I did the only thing I could do.

"Don't worry Mr. Takano if you'd like I can come tomorrow and help you look for your dog."

I offered my help.

"Are you sure about that? An old man like me really doesn't want to impose."

"Nah, relax its all good besides tomorrow I don't work so I have all day to help ya if you'd like."

"Oh, young man you are an angel!" when he said that it triggered all the memories when my Ma use to call me that...

_Flashback…_

"_Oh Natsu… My baby boy you are my angel." I petulantly scowled at my mommy._

"_Mom! Don't call me that! How am I supposed to protect you from people if they hear you calling me those names!? It's like you don't want them to take me serious!" I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed._

_She chuckled as she ruffled my hair. "Natsu, you do protect me. That's why you're my angel…"_

_She stood at the kitchen door as she smiled at me warmly. "My little guardian."_

_End of Flashback…_

I'm her angel… her guardian.

I looked back down at the old man and smiled. "Yeah, so I'll be here tomorrow at ten am okay?" he nodded his head while smiling.

"Why of course my boy! Do not fret I will be ready!" I laughed as I patted his back.

"Good to know." We chuckled a bit before we heard a soft humming. I looked up and saw at the door a nurse but a different one from before. This one was beautiful; she had short white silver hair and piercing sky blue eyes. She had her arms crossed as she stared at both me and Mr. Takano with a warm smile. Though she had on a white nurse dress you could tell she had a nice body that would compliment her beautiful face yet as I looked at her I remembered my earlier encounter with Blondie and the comparison was zero to none. Blondie was better but that still didn't mean this one couldn't get it.

She walked over to us and put an arm around the old man then his hand.

"Mr. Takano, it's me Lisanna." The old man immediately grabbed her hand covering it with both of his.

"Ah yes my girl!" he gave her hand a small kiss. "Lisanna here meet Natsu." She then looked at me and smiled; A small blush adorning her cheeks.

'_What can I say? I just have that effect on females.'_

I smirked at her and extended my hand out towards to her. She grabbed it and I brought it up my lips giving it a chaste kiss while looking straight into her eyes. "Nice to meet you, miss." Needless to say her blush intensified by a tenfold.

'_I'm just that good.'_

"Yes, nice to meet you two Mr. Natsu! My name is Lisanna, Lisanna Strauss!" I nodded my head as I let go of her hand.

"Good to know." I looked back again to the old man in front of me. "Well, old man I gotta go but I'll see ya tomorrow, okay?" he eagerly nodded his head.

"Yes. See you tomorrow."

"Okay I'll take my leave now, I'm sure Ms. Lisanna is more than capable of handling you." I began walking away as both Lis and the old man waved. Though the old man waved in the wrong direction I knew he tried. As I made my way back through the park I looked at my watch and saw that it was one thirty. Great, I had just enough time to get to work.

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I couldn't believe it! The nerve of that punk! Never have I been so furious! How dare he laugh in my face? And what's worse was that what he said was the truth. And then he had the nerve to flirt with me! And like the dumbass that I am I blushed at his actions! I cursed my body for being such a traitor to my mind and thoughts. I huffed as I walked down the street trying to reach my car in the garage parked across the street. My heels were clacking hard against the concrete, if I continued walking this way I would either make a hole in the ground or fall on my ass from a broken heel. Then in less than a second later my heel broke causing me to tumble and fall on my knees. Today was definitely not my day. Of course the latter would happen, because I'm Lucy Heartfilia, the world's _most_ unlucky person.

I repositioned myself so that I was sitting on the floor instead of kneeling on it. I looked down at my right foot to see the heel broken and hanging on it by a string.

I was frustrated.

Oh so _fucking_ **frustrated**.

I could feel my eyes stinging and my vision becoming blurry. I inhaled a shaky breath then let it out trying to desperately compose myself. I wasn't just frustrated. I was…

Stressed.

Depressed.

But worst of all I was _heartbroken_…

I could feel the tears pouring out of my eyes. I didn't want to cry; I hated how my emotions would go against with what I wanted. Jesus Christ how pathetic am I? I'm in the middle of the sidewalk sitting on the ground with a broken heel balling my eyes out! I know to whom ever walked by me right now probably thought I was a spoiled brat whom was crying over an expensive broken shoe but no one knew the real reason for my tears.

No one knew that it wasn't just a breakup that put me in this position but all of the crap that has happened to me recently that I have tried to bottle up and that I have successfully until now kept inside. I fucking hate myself right now for not being able to hold it in. I hate myself for crying over a man who couldn't care less about me. I hate myself for not being able to be heartless…

'_It doesn't matter though because I've been cheating on you with Aries.'_

I could feel my heart clenching tight in my chest with the pain. I knew that… I knew that he was cheating on me but to be told the truth up front in my face…

It tore my soul in half.

But I knew this was gonna happen sooner than later. I didn't deserve him because I was soiled and I knew that.

I'm damaged.

Marked…

Then as if it knew… as if _they_ knew I could feel the mark on my upper right thigh burn and tingle letting me know it was there. That it would always be there.

That for the remainder of my life the scar would be there serving as a reminder. To remind me on how I'm damaged goods.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath then let it out slowly as I opened my eyes again. I no longer felt my eyes sting nor did I feel the warm tears going down my face. I decided to wipe my face and take my shoes of my feet. If I had to walk barefooted to my car then so be it.

I highly doubted I could be anymore humiliated.

Besides my car was in the garage across the street, I was close and if anyone around here right now thought I was dirty then whatever. I think I deserved a little bit of a break.

Heard that universe?

Lucy Heartfilia has finally admitted that she needs a break from life.

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_Natsu's thought years later after he met Lucy:_

_Tch… If only I knew then what I knew now… because meeting Blondie would soon come to change my entire life later on. I would come to fall for her and need her more than the air I breathe… and it all started on that eventful day where I saw her breaking up with that bastard._

_I was already in love with her I just didn't realize it yet... _

_No, not until later would it come to me and hit me like a bucket of cold water._

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"**Because I would be lying to myself if I said that you didn't move my whole world with just your smile. Would you believe me if said that you took the rain away?"**

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**i have decided to just combine both chapter's since well it is short and happen on the same day... anywho i'll get around to updating this one. **

**ENJOY!**


	2. Chapter 2: I Crave Normalcy

"**Cigarette Burns."**

**Chapter 2: I Crave Normalcy.**

**WARNINGS: Mentions of abuse/rape, cursing and of weed. if any grammar mistakes let me know please and thank you! ENJOY!**

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Let me tell you, it took us about four days for us to find that old man's dog and it turns out the dog was in the nearby park by my job. As a matter a fact we had found him today, I had been searching towards the end of the park while the old man and Lisanna had been searching towards the entrance. Yeah, Lis had decided to tag along, she had actually helped the last two times and although she was an overly sweet girl, to the point that it could make your teeth hurt she wasn't all that bad to tell you the truth, that and well, the girl obviously already had a crush on me.

How did I know? Well, let's just say it practically radiated off of her. Impossible to miss and even though I didn't want anything serious I wouldn't mind entertaining her for a bit but that's if I even like it later on.

I didn't want to catch feelings… well, I never did anyways.

Guess you could call me heartless but that's not true because I do care for my mom but as for the rest of the female population? Well, at least I respected them so it doesn't matter.

Love is for losers who have nothing better to do than sit around waiting to find their perfect someone.

Love was for the weak.

People who don't know how to survive on their own and are dependent on another, I didn't need love nor ever had a craving for it. I'm fine just the way I am and I guess you can even say that I will die alone probably. Who's to say? Don't know and don't care.

I stopped for a moment as I glanced up at the sky that was currently clear and I guess you can say a nice shade of blue with fluffy clouds moving about. The sun though…

The sun was a killer, today it was out shining brightly and just being a terrible pain in the ass.

My eyes squinted shut as the clouds that had been passing by were no longer covering that damn cursed circle of light and the rays hit me immediately.

It didn't help that my body temperature wasn't normal and I was actually a bit warmer than other people something to do with my metabolism and the fact that I have more mass and what not causing me give out more heat than others, basically, I tended to be a furnace of my own in this heat.

Fuck, some water would be nice right now.

"OI Natsu!" I looked over my shoulder as I heard that familiar voice of the ice Popsicle calling me.

"Whaddaya want ice for brains?" I yelled out to him as I picked up my shovel and began to dig another hole into the ground so that I could check the stupid pipe that was there.

"Listen flame for brains it's time for your fifteen minute break in case you forgot."

I smirked as I put my shovel down and looked at him. Gray was smirking at me whilst holding a bottle of water out for me wiggling it just a bit from side to side.

"Can't be having the fire princess fainting now can we?"

"Shut up ya' dickhead."

Gray was one of my closest friends and also my rival. We got along but in our way which to most people looked like fights but that's just how we communicated besides at the end of the day he had my back and I had his. His was a misfit, outcast just like me, Sting, Rogue and Gajeel. That was our little crew and I don't think I could pick better friends to be honest regardless of our fucked up life's.

See gray was an orphan. His family died in a shootout and he was left parentless and was sent to an orphanage where he grew up in and stayed until he was legal and was allowed to be on his own. Gray says that fucked up shit happens in those places and that you never want to go to a foster home because really the people that do take you in are just pieces of shit rarely do you get an honest person who wants to really take care of an orphaned child.

He never really goes into much detail about his past but I do know things that would make someone want to throw up their lunch. I guess anybody would act like he does giving the way he has experienced life. I guess that's why we're friends because we know what it is to be at the shitty receiving end of life regardless of how opposites we are personality wise.

"Let's go punch out for our break."

"Yeah, let's go." I opened up my bottle of water and took a long sip. Christ, how I needed this. I drank a bit more of the delicious water then took off my helmet and let some water fall on my head and face so that I could refresh myself.

"Oi, you idiot! Don't shower yourself in public. Keep it PG!"

"Tch, Shut your trap already I can feel my brain cells dying just from hearing your voice."

"Hey bastard is that anyway to thank the guy that got you water?"

I chuckled as I grabbed my punching card and punched out for my fifteen then as me and gray walked back outside I immediately stuck my right hand in my pocket in seaech for my cigarettes.

"You keep smoking like a chimney you're gonna die an early death."

"Yeah, well, they make the time that I do get to breathe easier so shut up." I found the pack and pulled it out then got two cigarettes and handed one to gray. "Besides… you can't tell me shit when you're just as bad as me."

"Hey, I'm just doing my part in looking out for you so that once you're on your deathbed you can never say 'but you never told me to stop!'" gray waved his arms dramatically in the air as he chuckled then lit the cigarette up. I grabbed the lighter next to light my grit up. I mumbled out the word "Stupid."

I sighed as I took a drag out of my cigarette. I needed this fifteen minute break right now. For all of those who didn't know by now I work at a construction site, yeah, right now I was sporting black jeans with timberlands, a white tank top and the ugly construction safety jacket that was orange but transparent with the silver/metallic lines on it. Not to mention how hot my head felt, I could feel my pink hair getting damp with my sweat with the ugly yellow helmet I had had on.

Fuck this shit.

Fuck it all as a matter of fact but I can't throw the towel in.

The job pays really well and I need the money both for myself and my ma who's in the hospital. Which reminds me that today I gotta go visit her, haven't been able to these past few days but today I get out of work early so I'm gonna spend the day with her.

I looked over at gray, who was just standing there with a hand in his pocket while the other held onto his cig. He was wearing light blue jeans with the timberlands as me except all black, the bastard had no shirt on at the moment just the construction safety jacket.

"You're such a fucking exhibitionist." I took another drag as I shook my head.

"You're just mad because my bodies better than you besides unlike you I hate the heat and need to refresh and anyways, I work with the pipes and I don't want shit getting on my shirt."

"Yeah, whatever you say stripper."

"By the way, did ya hear the rumor going around?" I looked at him again and shook my head. I squinted my eyes as I looked around for a bit looking at the other workers. Every single one of them concentrated hard on the work they were doing.

"Nope, haven't heard shit. Why?"

"Well, supposedly the owner was coming by this week to check out how everyone was holding up but that's not it his bringing his daughter with him… apparently she was gonna help him now while she is on vacation from school."

"You mean a chick, a female, is gonna come here?"

"Yup." Gray grabbed his cigarette since it was already done and threw it out licking his lips slowly. "Heard she's a real looker, Natsu."

"Yeah, jump off that cloud ice prick. I doubt our boss's daughter would even look your way."

"Never say never." Gray said in a sing song voice as he laughed out loud right after when I made him a face of pure disgust.

"You're about to receive a fist to the face if you even dare to start quoting Justin faggot's song lyrics."

"Relax…" he put his hands in the air as he kept on laughing then he looked at his watch and face paled. "Shit Natsu we're late!"

"WHAT!"

"Yeah by like a minute or two!"

I went and threw my cigarette as we ran back inside to punch back in. "Dammit' Gray, what's point in having a watch if your dumb ass little brain doesn't even keep track of the time?"

"Shut up idiot!"

"Keep screaming like that and we're both gonna end up fired you stripper!"

Once I was able to punch in and placed my card back to where it belonged I closed my eyes and let myself catch my breath. I leaned against the wall with my head tilted back. I opened them and looked at gray from the corner of my eyes. He was hunched over trying to catch his breath also. I raise my hand and pointed my index fingers at him as I spoke.

"You ever do that again I'm gonna have to pound ya'!"

He raised his head at me a he was breathing harshly then dismissed me with a wave of his hand.

"I'll take you on anytime you want bird-for-brains."

* * *

I was laying on my bed my arm and legs spread out as I tried to hold in my breath. Then once I felt like I couldn't hold it in anymore and would suffocate I let the breath mixed with smoke out. I giggled as I saw the smoke disappear into the air.

Yes, I smoked weed, no, not because I was a fuck up nor because I was a pothead or druggie.

And believe me this wasn't an everyday thing, this was on days where I felt like I just needed a relaxer because I just couldn't go on anymore.

I smoked it because it was the only time when I could think clearly and not suffocate on my past.

On that night three years ago.

The only time when my feelings of disgust wouldn't swallow me whole and eat me from the inside leaving behind just an empty shell.

It's the only times when I feel happy.

Ridiculous, I know, to be able to only find some _tinge_ of **happiness** when I'm high.

I feel damaged. Damaged beyond repair and even though I overcame my obstacles I still struggle with the scars that were left behind. I struggle with my fear of even letting myself get even remotely close to another human being. Nobody but Levy and Juvia knows this little dirty secret of mines, who both do it themselves for their own reasons. Reasons that I don't wanna remember now because if I start dwelling on the shitty parts of my teenage years I'm gonna ruin my happy time.

How is it that I'm human; look human, talk human but don't _feel_ human?

I crave to be understood… to be helped I guessed, someone who will help me and not leave me once they see the darkness that is me…

_Like Loke…_

Oh, screw that Bastard! I don't even want to think about him or Aries; pfft, boy was she a good friend. I willed myself to mentally get them out of my head but that tiny voice in my head had other plans.

'_Everybody leaves Lucy…' _I could hear that tiny voice in my head say. '_Who has time to help someone like you when everyone has their own issues… Who has time to deal with a girl whose demons are darker than the ones that the average person carries that walks down the street?'_

"Shut up!" I yelled, my voice echoing off the walls in my room. Ugh fuck!

Great, nice going there, if there is anybody out there that needs a person to ruin their mood in .0 seconds come and call Lucy Heartfilia. In inhaled and exhaled as I lifted my hand to stare at the blunt it held at the moment; emotions swirling inside of me hitting me all at once.

_**Anger**_**.**

I could feel that familiar emotion swell up inside of me as I took another hit trying to make myself more baked so that I could forget completely what I was feeling at the moment.

_**Disappointment.**_

Sucks that I'm still stuck in the same set of mind.

_**Hope.**_

Because where would my humanity be if I didn't have at least hope for a better me in the future?

Where will I be in the future though?

I could my mind becoming more fogging and my eyes loosing focus. I think I'm getting sleepy yet I wasn't sure. I began to laugh as I grabbed the jar next to me. I twisted the lid off and put the blunt inside then twisted the lid back on so that way if would turn off on its own quickly.

I rolled a bit more towards my left till I was at the edge and put the jar under my bed. Once I was satisfied I rolled back over to the middle and got back into the same position I was in the first place but this time I stared at my ceiling.

It was white.

White as snow? Who even fucking knows.

Look at that! I'm rhyming!

As my thoughts were a jumbled mess I could feel my eyes getting heavier by the second till they closed shut.

I let myself drift away into deep slumber because the man upstairs knew just how bad I slept at night.

I thought I was going to dream about something good like about the times before my mother died but no instead I dreamt of something I didn't want to remember.

_I might just drown not from water but from memories of the past that have every intention on swallowing me whole._

_I was running and running through this dark alley that seemed to have no end. I could three men cat calling from behind as they ran right after me. _

"_Oi sexy, what's a good looking girl like you doing out so late at night, huh?"_

_No! please! No!_

_I felt fear fill the atmosphere all around me as I picked up my pace, the muscles on my legs protesting and straining trying not to give up._

_Please! Any other dream than this! Anything else than THIS!_

_My running was halted once I felt a warm, calloused hand grip my arm tightly stopping my momentum and pulling me backwards. _

"_NO! NO! NO! LET GO OF ME! __**LET.**__**GO.**__**OF.**__**ME**__!_

_I could feel my back being pressed up against a man's, his gut popping out, I trembled uncontrollably as I felt his his disgusting warm breath tickling my ear. _

"_What's the matter little girlie?" I shut my eyes as I felt the man wet tongue lick the shell of my ear as he continued speaking. "Do you not like it when a man touches you?"_

_His free hand reached around and cupped my breast squeezing harshly as I felt his boner through his pants on my ass._

"_Please don't…" I whispered. "Please… please, don't… __**please**__…"_

_I opened my eyes and saw the other two men in front of me, their faces had on the evilest of grins I had ever seen on a person. the one to the left spoke first. _

"_We're gonna show you a good time sweetheart." The other one nodded its head and then laughed._

"_Yeah, we're gonna do you so good you won't be able to walk for a week! How's that sound to ya bitch?"_

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I jolted up from my bed and looked all around my room. It was already dark out. My breathing was erratic and though I tried to calm it down a bit I found myself not knowing how to.

I tried to swallow but I felt a thump stuck in my throat.

My body was covered in sweat, my clothes drenched in it but I could give three shits at the moment to be honest. I hugged my legs up to my chest as I felt my eyes burning and my vision blurring with the tears that I knew where soon going to spill.

"What am I supposed to do?" I felt the tears make their down my cheeks leaving a hot trail behind. I hugged my legs closer towards my body as I felt a sob wreck through me.

_How can I ever be normal again?_

_Do I even have a chance at normalcy?_

_I hope there is because I crave to be normal once again… _

* * *

**And this is the second chapter of cigarette burns I will let everyone know this story will have very mature settings, each characters will have their own struggle. And in case anyone has wondered, yes, Lucy has been a victim of rape so believe me her relationship with Natsu won't happen very soon. So yeah, just a warning for everyone. Natsu and Lucy have long ways to go and such. Get ready for the ride.**

**ENJOY!**

**Next Chapter: Guess we meet again?**


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